I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize