I am puke
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
