I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
