What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
