Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
