I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
