no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
