the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
