i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
