Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
