he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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