I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
