Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
