she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
