Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
