In the future we'll all be gay
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
