Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
