The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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