he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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