Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
