but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You pole danced in your parka.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Randomize
