we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
