***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
