please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
