ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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