So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
