I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
