i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
