Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
