when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
