she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
