drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
