he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
