first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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