Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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