they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize