i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
