If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
porn star boner night. come get it.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
