What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize