and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
