They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
