that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
