I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
