Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
