Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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