I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
