Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
