He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
