my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
