Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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