Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
