I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
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