I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
