Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
