i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
