Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
