i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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