R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's blow job season.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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