So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
