at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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