Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
