how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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