on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
