I want to stick my p in your. b.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
