There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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